Anger Feels Powerful

Excerpted from Anger Management - Jesus Style.

Have you ever been likened to someone who is in no way similar to you? Have you ever been compared and considered worse than another person? How did you respond? Often, we feel angry and frustrated. We want to defend our good name and find a way to feel powerful, not powerless. When anger overwhelms us, we think we have the capability to correct the situation, but we realize after we calm down that nothing good was accomplished, and most often, the situation worsened.

Those situations are particularly difficult while serving in ministry. Women in our church or women’s group will point out how something should have been done differently. Or they gossip about us. Or maybe worse—or not—they tell us to our face the mistakes they think we made. Feelings of shame may overwhelm us, and we desperately want to reply with defensive words and tone. Our reputation and our image are endangered. Everything within us believes anger will communicate she is wrong, and we are right.

We can learn from Jesus, who suffered similar indiscretions and misunderstandings, how to be powerful yet in a godly way.

Let’s look at Matthew 27:20-23 to assess Jesus’s example.

“Now the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and destroy Jesus. The governor again said to them, ‘Which of the two do you want me to release for you?’ And they said, ‘Barabbas.’ Pilate said to them, ‘Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?’ They all said, ‘Let him be crucified!’ And he said, ‘Why? What evil has he done?’ But they shouted all the more, ‘Let him be crucified!’”

In this passage, Jesus is being compared with a murderer (Mark 15:7), Barabbas, a person who hurts others, who destroys lives. That evil man was chosen over perfect Jesus by an aroused crowd who cared nothing for right thinking. A man is chosen whose murderous ways will be released upon the community, while righteous Jesus goes to the cross an innocent man. Such shameful injustice. Yet even this is God’s gracious plan.

Here’s another aspect of this scene. The chief priests and the elders are mingling amongst the crowd and riling up the bystanders. They “persuaded the crowd.” They are whispering in their ears, agreeing with words supporting their disgusting desires. And if anyone is defending Jesus, the authorities argue with them, most likely throwing their spiritual “weight” around.

Jesus stands powerlessly (it appears) before the group, choosing most of the time to be silent. From our human perspective, our inability to defend ourselves is torturous. Especially for any of us with traumatic childhoods—and who hasn’t suffered from shameful trauma? Any grimaces toward us, looks of disgust, or scowls make us feel like we are on trial and powerless to force anyone to value us.

In our humanity, we may not even want someone to know the truth about us—because unlike Jesus, we are guilty. We deserve mean grimaces, disgust, scowls, and shame. We would rather be hidden than hear the words of our sinful choices.

Yet Jesus in different moments, chooses speaking up or being silent. You and I would feel powerless as things seem to get out of hand. And that can bring a feeling of shame. That shame might come from thinking if we are worthwhile someone would stand up to our defense. If we are valued, we will be listened to. If we are esteemed, someone will come alongside. Yet Jesus has strength to calmly obey his Father, because he trusts God to do the right thing.

Jesus knows it is inevitable he will die an agonizing death. Yet, the Father kindly gives him encouragement as Pilate’s wife has a dream about Jesus and tells her husband, “Have nothing to do with that righteous man” (Matthew 27:19). Someone is speaking up for him.

Jesus doesn’t require that encouragement to trust God’s will but the Father kindly prompts it. Have you seen God’s kindness when he supports you in some way? You might not even think you need it, but another’s words of truth about you still offer you a peek into God’s care for you and ability to follow through with the best ideas. Jesus believes his suffering has a purpose; therefore, he doesn’t need to angrily shout to the crowd about the truth. He has no shame to be shielded from. His Father knows the truth and is in control. That’s enough for Jesus. That truth can be enough for you and me.

That is exactly what you and I can be assured of for ourselves. If God wants to protect us, he can prompt someone to dream about us. If God wants something to happen for or against us, he can powerfully influence the thoughts and actions of others. The only power we really need is to reject the tantalizing suggestion of withdrawing our love, irritation, discontent, grumbling, complaining, or any other form of anger.

Let’s examine our hearts to see if shame surrounds us when we feel powerless. What message does powerlessness seem to say about us? How does feeling powerless seem dangerous to our humanity—physically, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually?

Asking those kinds of questions will help us identify what is really going on in our hearts and minds, and then we’ll be able to surrender our need for power to the only one who has all power.

Kathy Collard Miller is an award-winning, bestselling author of over 60 books including Anger Management—Jesus Style and No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom. She writes Christian Living books, women’s Bible studies, and Bible commentaries. She blogs and writes articles on trusting God more, God’s sovereignty, marriage, parenting, and knowing God in truth.

Along with being interviewed on The 700 Club, Kathy has been featured on hundreds of podcasts, and radio and television programs.

Kathy has spoken in over 30 US states and 9 foreign countries at women’s retreats, writing conferences, MOPS, and marriage seminars. She often writes and speaks with her husband, Larry, who she married in 1970. They have two children and two grandchildren and live in Boise, Idaho.

Kathy is a founding member of AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) and is active in various writers’ groups like IdaHope Christian Writers and also Christian women’s ministries like NEWIM (Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry).

Connect with her. She would love to hear from you. She also would love to meet you and help you with your writing and speaking ministry at the NEWIM Writer’s Getaway. Take advantage of her free online e-book about writing at https://www.newim.org/writing-as-a-ministry-for-gods-glory.

www.KathyCollardMiller.com
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Sacred Rhythms

Betsy Stowe and I are excited to share Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Haley Barton. This book is designed to help you “arrange your life around a regular pattern of spiritual practices that God can use to nourish your soul and transform your life.” As you engage with the Lord through the practices and “open yourself to the presence of God in the places of your being where your truest desires and deepest longings stir,” you will hopefully experience a deeper relationship with God.

After completing a 10-month Spiritual Formation Cohort with NEWIM in partnership with the Fuller Center for Spiritual Formation, Betsy and I felt called to offer a Zoom book discussion of Sacred Rhythms. We learned through our Cohort that community is a crucial part of our formation so we invited women to journey with us in learning how “to open ourselves to God’s transforming love and the changes only God can bring about in our lives.” Eight women from across the country joined us in community for six sessions over Zoom. We practiced these spiritual rhythms, and God met us in our place of seeking.

We looked at the disciplines Ruth Haley Barton says, “are basic components of the rhythms of intimacy with God that feed and nourish the soul, keeping us open and available for God’s surprising initiatives in our lives.”
 
Our discussions encouraged the women to share their hearts’ longings for more and provided opportunities for each of us to create conditions where transformation could take place. It helped us develop and learn to maintain a rhythm of spiritual practices that keep us open and available to God. We created space for God through solitude. We encountered God through Lectio Divina. We learned how prayer can deepen our intimacy with God. Self-examination helped us see ourselves more clearly and discernment helped us to become attuned to the presence of God so we could align ourselves more completely with God’s will and purposes. Through learning about sabbath, we explored ways to establish a rhythm of work and rest. The rule of life challenged us to cultivate rhythms for spiritual formation going forward and how to order our life with what is true and good.
 
We prayed this book would whet the appetites of the women to delve more deeply into these practices and ask the Lord where he wanted them to begin their transformational journey with him. We shared our longings, experiences, challenges, heartaches, and questions that lingered in our hearts. We were able to listen and support each other’s desire for more of God by paying attention to the movement of God in our lives through these disciplines. We prayed for one another and encouraged each other by sharing testimonies of God’s faithfulness. Journeying together through spiritual practices opened opportunities for spiritual growth and transformation.

If you want to understand yourself more fully in your relationship with God, Betsy and I highly encourage you to pick up a copy of Sacred Rhythms and “open yourself up to God’s transforming love and the change that only God can bring about in our lives.”

Jill served on the NEWIM board for ten years and on the Arizona Springs Retreat team for three years. She was a small group mentor for the first NEWIM-Fuller spiritual formation cohort. She has also written and facilitated NEWIM’s Guided Silent Retreats.

Currently, Jill is the Coordinator of the Prayer Ministry in her Ft. Collins, CO, church and is involved in Women’s Ministry where she has led nine silent retreats.  She regularly meets with her spiritual director and meets with others for spiritual mentoring.

Betsy is a gifted vocalist and leads the worship at The Springs—Central California and NEWIM’s retreats for pastors’ wives.

Betsy has been a pastor's wife for many years and recently retired from being the Director of Women's Ministries at Living Hope Christian Fellowship in Oakdale, California.

What Will Your Legacy Be?

Since Mother’s Day, I have been considering the importance of leaving a legacy. What exactly is a legacy? Webster's dictionary defines it as “something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.” In a biblical sense, a legacy impacts future generations by leaving behind wisdom, wealth, or a testimony about God that makes a difference long after you're gone. Psalm 78:2-7 tells us the importance of leaving a legacy: “I will utter hidden things, things from of old, things we have heard and known, things our ancestors have told us. We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done…so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they, in turn, would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.” 

There are numerous examples of individuals throughout the Bible that have left legacies for future generations. Their examples of faith, perseverance, courage, and love for God are left to inspire us. 

When I think about biblical legacy, I think about Anna, a prophetess who worshipped God and left a powerful legacy of devotion to God. Anna's testimony is one of resilience and unwavering faith. At a young age, she experienced the profound loss of her husband, yet she chose to make the temple her home. The depth of her commitment to God, even in the face of such sorrow, is a testament to her faith and devotion. At the age of 84, she was still serving the Lord and praying "night and day." Still worshipping. Still serving. She witnessed something extraordinary because of her faithfulness and perseverance in prayer and fasting.

While writing my thoughts about Anna, I think of my mom who faced so many challenges as a single mom. My father left her abruptly when my siblings were all under the age of five. Despite the many struggles she went through to care for us, she lived a life of devotion and worship to the Lord. As with Anna, my mom never stopped sharing and telling others of the goodness of the Lord. She left a legacy for my siblings and me to treasure and to imitate. 

No matter where we are (singles, wives, moms, widows, grandparents), as believers we also have the privilege of leaving a legacy for others by worshiping the Lord and sharing the good news. The Christ-Child Anna was waiting for, lived, died, was buried, and rose again. He promised to send the Comforter, who has come, and he empowers all of us to tell our stories of redemption and leave our legacy.

Deborah was introduced to NEWIM when a friend invited her to the online book club. She loved the discussion and saw the benefits of getting more involved in NEWIM for her own life and for her church ministry. She recently enjoyed the Santa Cruz Springs Retreat.

Deborah is a pastor’s wife from Westchester, NY. She is a retired nutritionist, an aspiring writer, and Women’s Ministry leader.