Going Door to Door Singing Love Songs

My hospice patient’s husband passed some years ago. They didn’t have children. Her niece visited over the holidays. When we opened the Bible, she directed me to read the 23rd Psalm. She said it gave her the sense that God protected her. 

She didn’t want to hear me play my violin, but when I offered to sing for her, she agreed. I pulled out the “Fifty Most Beloved Movie Hits” book and started singing some of the songs I recognized. It felt a little strange to be singing love songs to this elderly widow who honestly hasn’t always been that friendly or receptive to chaplain visits. So, after three songs, I offered to leave. 

Somehow, I got the sense that she didn’t want me to go. It was the briefest little pause she made right before she said, “It’s okay, you can go.” That bit of hesitancy gave me pause, so without saying a word, I flipped to the next page and started singing the next love song. 

Suddenly, I felt overcome with a surge of compassion for her. But it was more than that. I felt like something deep within me was tapped–-the sadness over a world that isn’t right, where I can start the year on a good foot, but around me there is anxiety about the new national leadership, devastation and despair caused by the fires in the Los Angeles area, and multiple sets of friends who have been unable to conceive. 

I started tearing up as I sang the Titanic theme song, then the song from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen. Something within me broke, but not in a bad way. I just felt the power of what I was doing, even as I felt its inadequacy. I am a hospice chaplain who goes door to door, singing love songs to lonely older folk who deserve to come to the end of their lives feeling loved. 

My patient fell asleep beside me with cold ankles and cold hands. I had wrapped the blanket around her. Her body told me she was more than just a little cold. I seriously wondered if I would get to see her next month. I might not. She was frailer now, her face looked gaunter.

There is mystery in this work and profound wonder. I cannot tell you how often I wake up in the morning excited to start my day. My prayer is that as you read about my patients, you can lift them up to the Father with me. Many are going home to his embrace. It's a gift to walk with them as they prepare.

Tina grew up on Long Island, New York, in an intergenerational home of ethnically Chinese parents raised in Taiwan. After studying English literature at Harvard College, she went on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and served the multi-ethnic chapter for 6 years. In this capacity, she also ministered to the broader community as one of the Harvard Chaplains.

Over the course of 12 years of local church ministry in the Bay Area, she ministered in a variety of ways as she completed her Master of Divinity at Fuller Theological Seminary. She has served as a pastor overseeing life groups, outreach, and discipleship.  She has also had significant seasons serving as an interim pastor in various contexts.  

As a wife and involved mother of three elementary-aged children, she is now focusing on the ministry of spiritual direction and serving the broader community as a chaplain. She loves to write, play volleyball, and puzzle with friends. She has benefitted greatly from several NEWIM retreats during her years of service.

Connect with her at christinetenghenson@gmail.com.

The Joys of Pivoting

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

In August 2024, I felt God was letting me know that I needed “to be ready to turn on a dime,” or as my friend Cindy would say: pivot. Mind you, I had no idea what God was going to be doing in my life with that phrase, but he was preparing me for a lot of pivoting in the coming months. It set the tone for my fall and winter seasons and gave me advance notice in how I was going to learn to joyfully trust God.

I had prepared to change my focus from full-time ministry to running our family-owned bed-and-breakfast for three weeks starting at the end of September, as my parents were visiting family in the States. Two weeks in, I got the call from my mom: “Your daddy is in the ER; they think it might be a heart attack. There is no hurry to get here (Texas).” But the next day, I found out Daddy would have open heart surgery in two days’ time. I was in the middle of France and did not know if I could make it in time.

BUT GOD - I found tickets, the last seat on my first flight out the next morning and made it to Texas the evening before my dad’s surgery. The joy of being there for my parents and brothers was incredible. The fellowship we were able to share and the ministering to other people in the waiting room was a sweet time. Learning to trust God fully yet being prepared to lose my dad for a time was hard. Realizing, with Mom, that if we could trust God for Daddy’s surgery, we could also trust him for the finances and the work that would be waiting for me when I went back to France five days later.

Pivoting was not a lack of planning; it became a way of peacefully and joyfully doing the good works that God had placed before me. It became ministering to my parents by taking care of the business so Daddy could heal before coming home to France. It became putting my writing and studying on the back burner to do the work needed. It involved trusting that God’s timing was good and perfect.

This complete lack of control over my circumstances was very freeing. If I was frustrated at first, I soon found a rhythm with God and a joy of seeing what each new day would bring. My husband and I became intentional in our talks and spending time with our kids. I refused clients when I saw our employees were tired, and quite frankly, so was I.

Our church services continued, just a little differently, and with a lot more involvement from the people in our little congregation. But I will admit that I missed my routine of studying Scripture with deep dives and long periods to do so.

When my parents returned, we found new rhythms again. I was able to go back to ministry, dream of the next steps for our congregation, and plan silent retreats for women here in France. I am excited to see what God is going to do in my life and the lives of the women he will bring to our next retreat.

Pivoting can be a physical action, but it is also a mental and emotional exercise. Above all else, it is an exercise in trust. When we took our second daughter to the States in August to go to college, we were exploring the idea of going back to the States to live. I was gearing up for the move, thinking of different possibilities for the coming year and how to leave France well.

My thoughts and plans were interrupted by the pivoting God had me doing. I don’t know when we are moving; I don’t know where we are going; I don’t know what we will be doing, yet I am ready for this pivot. I am ready to joyfully follow my shepherd and trust that his plan is so much better than my own.

God has used these verses to encourage me through these pivotal moments:

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

Kristin Isaac has a Bachelor of Engineering Degree from John Brown University. She has translated many Bible Studies and books for various individuals, ministries, and pastors. From teaching children and adult Sunday school to being involved with and starting student ministries, choirs, and women’s Bible studies, Kristin has served and led in just about every area of the church!

Kristin, her husband and their four children are full time missionaries currently residing in central France. As a family they enjoy reading, hiking, and watching TV. They’ve even had the opportunity to hike the Alps together!

Kristin discovered NEWIM in 2023. She joined the NEWIM-Fuller cohort which has deepened her trust in how God is operating in her life and the “good works” he has called her to do. 

Healing Comes

Over the course of the past 13 years, I’ve worked as a pastor in several different churches around the Bay Area. I earned my Master of Divinity to be qualified to do so, but in some ways, this was never the plan. Growing up, I always thought I would serve overseas, probably in China, and homeschool my kids, because that would be my only option.  

So, when I got into church ministry, I chafed at it. I longed to be set loose, to be freed up to minister at large - to anybody and everybody. Every time I took on a new role and was handed a stack of business cards, something within me sensed, “This isn’t how I’m supposed to serve.”

In this present season, in which I’m not pastoring through a local congregation, I find myself ministering in more organic ways in our neighborhood, through friendships at my children’s school, and in our city. Recently, I’ve found some other ways of ministering, through hospice chaplaincy and spiritual direction, that feel much more authentic and truer to who I am and how God made me to be.

I want to share a moment I had a few weeks ago at Silver Oaks Memory Care in Menlo Park, visiting a new patient of mine. In that moment, suddenly the veil lifted, and for a brief time, everything came together for me. I felt so deeply loved and cared for by God and by an unexpected patient of mine in a profound and beautiful way.

This patient, who I’ll call Dee, could actually talk to me. Many of my hospice patients have dementia or Alzheimer’s, and some are so close to passing that they’re no longer able to communicate.  They can barely lift their heads; they must stay in bed, and they require a lot of support for daily living. 

But Dee could comprehend that I was her spiritual care chaplain, part of her healthcare team, and she understood what I was there to do. So, after I got her situated in her wheelchair in her shared room, tucking one shawl around her shoulders, and tucking another shawl around her tummy to keep her hands warm, she jumped right in.

“When I feel afraid, I talk to Jesus,” she told me. She looked at me with her clear blue eyes, words simple and straightforward.

“Oh! That’s wonderful,” I said. “Tell me more!”

“He looks right at me.”

Playfully, I asked her, “Out of curiosity, what color are his eyes?”

“Blue,” she told me.

My heart laughed, but I understood, so I continued, “And what does he say when you talk to him?”  I kept my tone light, but she responded with an earnestness that disarmed me.

“He says, ‘Do not worry. Everything will be okay. Your mom is doing well, and she wants you to know that.’”

As we continued talking, Dee told me what she could about her life, her parents, her husband, and her children. At points when her memory would fail, she would simply tell me she didn’t know the answer to my question.

Were her parents kind to her? Her mom was.

What was her husband like? Kind … sometimes.

How many children did she have? Two … or maybe 4. (We decided she must have had two, then after they got married, she must have felt she had 4!)

As I felt our time drawing to a close, I said to her: “There’s a Bible verse that says, ‘How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.’ (Romans 10:15) You’ve brought me such good news in how you’ve described your faith to me. Could I lay my hands on your beautiful feet as I pray for you?”  She readily agreed.

I sat down on the carpet in front of her, but her feet were enclosed in fuzzy peach slippers. So, I put my hands on her ankles. They felt cold to my touch, but they warmed up as I held them and prayed. I began praying for her, praying for her to be able to shed the sadness that she’d experienced in her lifetime. I prayed for her to continue to lift her concerns up to Jesus because he cared for her.

Suddenly, I felt something stir deep within me: a subtle awareness of the disconnect between what I was praying for her and what I was personally experiencing in my own life. I felt so convicted that I needed to do what I was praying for her to be able to do. I needed to shed all the sadness I’d been carrying around from my decade-long career as a pastor that never quite fit right. I needed to shed my burdens from my past, my preoccupations over the future, my perpetual unease with my present.

I must have stopped praying – because I suddenly felt Dee place her gentle hand on the top of my head.  The roles unexpectedly reversed, and tears broke forth – from me. Something within me dislodged, and I couldn’t continue. I couldn’t keep praying through the tears. So, my patient started praying for me.  Her voice comforted me, and now it was her words that reassured me.  I was now the care recipient, and her soft voice spoke similar sentiments to what I’d just expressed. Except now she repeated the words Jesus’ said to her, “Everything’s going to be alright. You’re okay. God loves you. You can trust him.”

I honestly can’t remember exactly what she said, and I don’t know how long she prayed, or I cried. But I can tell you how I felt—like this chaplaincy work had been set up for my healing, and this was the work for me in this season. These patients were part of my healing, my restoration, and my experience of forgiveness.

God meant me to be there for them as much as he meant them to be there for me.

I cried harder than I expected, and she just kept stroking my hair, so gently. And touching my shoulders, just like I imagine my own grandmother would do if she lived nearby.

My tears ended somehow, and I wiped my eyes. I wrapped up our prayer time, with a softer voice, humbly thanking God from my heart for this powerful exchange and profound encounter. I opened my eyes at the end and looked straight up into Dee’s face, smiling into her blue eyes. I simply thanked her for ministering to me.

I gave her a hug and told her I’d come visit next month. I would bring my violin, and we could talk and pray together again.

I know that when I do, there will be mutual ministry between us, once again.  And in the meantime, great belovedness.

Tina grew up on Long Island, New York, in an intergenerational home of ethnically Chinese parents raised in Taiwan. After studying English literature at Harvard College, she went on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship and served the multi-ethnic chapter for 6 years. In this capacity, she also ministered to the broader community as one of the Harvard Chaplains. 

Over the course of 12 years of local church ministry in the Bay Area, she ministered in a variety of ways as she completed her Master of Divinity at Fuller Theological Seminary. She has served as a pastor overseeing life groups, outreach, and discipleship.  She has also had significant seasons serving as an interim pastor in various contexts.  

As a wife and involved mother of three elementary-aged children, she is now focusing on the ministry of spiritual direction and serving the broader community as a chaplain. She loves to write, play volleyball, and puzzle with friends. She has benefitted greatly from several NEWIM retreats during her years of service, including the Writers' Getaway. Listen to her experience here.

Connect with her at christinetenghenson@gmail.com.

Overcoming Loneliness

Do you know what it’s like to experience loneliness, even though you’re connected with God and a ministry?
 
I did. And that’s when God led me to the founders and directors of NEWIM who took me under their wing, encouraged me, mentored me, and prayed my first book (Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs), into publication.
 
That was more than 25 years ago. And this week, my eighteenth book with Harvest House Publishers releases—The New Loneliness: Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated. This book again includes a brief story of my desperation for spiritual mentors, and how God placed me in a room full of women who introduced me to the benefits of NEWIM.
 
People have always struggled with loneliness at one time or another. But now it’s far more persistent—due to increased technology, habits we developed from the COVID lockdowns, reliance on AI, and the convenience of looking online for not just essentials, but relationships and social connections too. I call this “the new loneliness” in which we now tend to look at screens more than faces, text more than talk, and conduct our business online rather than in person. The result? Fewer conversations. Even less transparency. Next to zero relationships. Loneliness.
 
Whether your loneliness is caused by your work or living circumstances, a ministry situation, a subconscious preference for internet rather than interpersonal connections, a misunderstanding or falling out with someone–or just feeling inadequate, unprepared, unsupported, or overwhelmed—you and I were never designed to live this way.
 
Jesus came to offer us purpose and life (John 10:10), not pain and loneliness. In close relationship with him, we can experience not only joy and contentment, but more fulfilling relationships with others as well.
 
How can you and I overcome this new type of loneliness? These three steps are a great start:

1. Reconnect with God

People will always let us down. That’s why we’ve got to constantly keep our eyes on Jesus. The more we know of his character the more we can trust him and the more readily we can extend trust toward others. Every day this week, repeat to yourself these three truths about God: “He is with me. He is for me. And he has a reason why I’m here.” Then commit to getting into his Word regularly and discovering more about who he is and what he’s capable of.

When you reconnect—or start to really connect—with God through his Word and a focus on his character, you’ll find your value in him, as well as the priority he set for your life—to love him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). With a better understanding of who you are and why you were created, you will be more equipped to resolve whatever is causing your feelings of loneliness.

2. Re-evaluate your heart and hurts.

Have you surrendered to God your past hurts, insecurities, and feelings of inadequacy—all which can interfere with enjoying healthy relationships? We are all wounded in some way and left with scars of betrayal, abandonment, broken relationships, insecurity, or wondering if we are really loved for who we are. These scars can mask longtime hurts we didn’t know we had, and keep us from developing deeper friendships with others. Sometimes, out of a fear of being hurt, we keep those who extend toward us at a distance, and thus it’s easier to text than talk or communicate via a screen rather than face to face. As you seek to better understand who you are in the light of God’s grace, forgiveness, and transformation, you can more easily trust those whom God brings your way and start developing more meaningful relationships with them. Start by asking God to take inventory of your heart and your hurts, while you remember he is the God who makes all things new—even you! (2 Corinthians 5:17).

3. Reach out to others in the body of Christ.

Who haven’t you connected with in a while because you’ve been so busy? Whose company did you once enjoy but the reconnection process is something you keep putting off? Do you have a trusted Christian friend you can talk with when your loneliness creeps in? When we look to our devices for guidance, distraction, or to fill that niche more than human touch and interaction, it can keep us from experiencing the peace and comfort God provides through our sisters in Christ. How long has it been since you’ve felt connected with a group of believers in a local church or through an organization like NEWIM? As you put yourself in the place, literally, where God can surround you with like-minded believers, you can grow spiritually and emotionally and not feel as lonely.
 
You don’t have to be a part of this culture’s new loneliness statistics. You can push through the hesitation to connect and find yourself equipped by the Lord to be a confident and compassionate follower of Jesus who can encourage, serve, and extend grace toward others in the kind of meaningful community God intended.

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker, award-winning writer, and author of 18 books with Harvest House Publishers. She was the founding president of the Inland Empire Chapter of NEWIM in the mid-1990s and for the past several years has co-led the NEWIM Writers Getaway with author Kathy Collard Miller, happening April 1-2 in Three Rivers, CA.

To find out more about her books, speaking ministry, or coaching services for writers, see www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Cindi’s newest book, The New Loneliness, releases this week and will be the topic of NEWIM’s Reading Books with Friends discussion on May 4. Pre-order The New Loneliness with Amazon’s low-price guarantee

Anger Feels Powerful

Excerpted from Anger Management - Jesus Style.

Have you ever been likened to someone who is in no way similar to you? Have you ever been compared and considered worse than another person? How did you respond? Often, we feel angry and frustrated. We want to defend our good name and find a way to feel powerful, not powerless. When anger overwhelms us, we think we have the capability to correct the situation, but we realize after we calm down that nothing good was accomplished, and most often, the situation worsened.

Those situations are particularly difficult while serving in ministry. Women in our church or women’s group will point out how something should have been done differently. Or they gossip about us. Or maybe worse—or not—they tell us to our face the mistakes they think we made. Feelings of shame may overwhelm us, and we desperately want to reply with defensive words and tone. Our reputation and our image are endangered. Everything within us believes anger will communicate she is wrong, and we are right.

We can learn from Jesus, who suffered similar indiscretions and misunderstandings, how to be powerful yet in a godly way.

Let’s look at Matthew 27:20-23 to assess Jesus’s example.

“Now the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and destroy Jesus. The governor again said to them, ‘Which of the two do you want me to release for you?’ And they said, ‘Barabbas.’ Pilate said to them, ‘Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?’ They all said, ‘Let him be crucified!’ And he said, ‘Why? What evil has he done?’ But they shouted all the more, ‘Let him be crucified!’”

In this passage, Jesus is being compared with a murderer (Mark 15:7), Barabbas, a person who hurts others, who destroys lives. That evil man was chosen over perfect Jesus by an aroused crowd who cared nothing for right thinking. A man is chosen whose murderous ways will be released upon the community, while righteous Jesus goes to the cross an innocent man. Such shameful injustice. Yet even this is God’s gracious plan.

Here’s another aspect of this scene. The chief priests and the elders are mingling amongst the crowd and riling up the bystanders. They “persuaded the crowd.” They are whispering in their ears, agreeing with words supporting their disgusting desires. And if anyone is defending Jesus, the authorities argue with them, most likely throwing their spiritual “weight” around.

Jesus stands powerlessly (it appears) before the group, choosing most of the time to be silent. From our human perspective, our inability to defend ourselves is torturous. Especially for any of us with traumatic childhoods—and who hasn’t suffered from shameful trauma? Any grimaces toward us, looks of disgust, or scowls make us feel like we are on trial and powerless to force anyone to value us.

In our humanity, we may not even want someone to know the truth about us—because unlike Jesus, we are guilty. We deserve mean grimaces, disgust, scowls, and shame. We would rather be hidden than hear the words of our sinful choices.

Yet Jesus in different moments, chooses speaking up or being silent. You and I would feel powerless as things seem to get out of hand. And that can bring a feeling of shame. That shame might come from thinking if we are worthwhile someone would stand up to our defense. If we are valued, we will be listened to. If we are esteemed, someone will come alongside. Yet Jesus has strength to calmly obey his Father, because he trusts God to do the right thing.

Jesus knows it is inevitable he will die an agonizing death. Yet, the Father kindly gives him encouragement as Pilate’s wife has a dream about Jesus and tells her husband, “Have nothing to do with that righteous man” (Matthew 27:19). Someone is speaking up for him.

Jesus doesn’t require that encouragement to trust God’s will but the Father kindly prompts it. Have you seen God’s kindness when he supports you in some way? You might not even think you need it, but another’s words of truth about you still offer you a peek into God’s care for you and ability to follow through with the best ideas. Jesus believes his suffering has a purpose; therefore, he doesn’t need to angrily shout to the crowd about the truth. He has no shame to be shielded from. His Father knows the truth and is in control. That’s enough for Jesus. That truth can be enough for you and me.

That is exactly what you and I can be assured of for ourselves. If God wants to protect us, he can prompt someone to dream about us. If God wants something to happen for or against us, he can powerfully influence the thoughts and actions of others. The only power we really need is to reject the tantalizing suggestion of withdrawing our love, irritation, discontent, grumbling, complaining, or any other form of anger.

Let’s examine our hearts to see if shame surrounds us when we feel powerless. What message does powerlessness seem to say about us? How does feeling powerless seem dangerous to our humanity—physically, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually?

Asking those kinds of questions will help us identify what is really going on in our hearts and minds, and then we’ll be able to surrender our need for power to the only one who has all power.

Kathy Collard Miller is an award-winning, bestselling author of over 60 books including Anger Management—Jesus Style and No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom. She writes Christian Living books, women’s Bible studies, and Bible commentaries. She blogs and writes articles on trusting God more, God’s sovereignty, marriage, parenting, and knowing God in truth.

Along with being interviewed on The 700 Club, Kathy has been featured on hundreds of podcasts, and radio and television programs.

Kathy has spoken in over 30 US states and 9 foreign countries at women’s retreats, writing conferences, MOPS, and marriage seminars. She often writes and speaks with her husband, Larry, who she married in 1970. They have two children and two grandchildren and live in Boise, Idaho.

Kathy is a founding member of AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) and is active in various writers’ groups like IdaHope Christian Writers and also Christian women’s ministries like NEWIM (Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry).

Connect with her. She would love to hear from you. She also would love to meet you and help you with your writing and speaking ministry at the NEWIM Writer’s Getaway. Take advantage of her free online e-book about writing at https://www.newim.org/writing-as-a-ministry-for-gods-glory.

www.KathyCollardMiller.com
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