Anger Feels Powerful

Excerpted from Anger Management - Jesus Style.

Have you ever been likened to someone who is in no way similar to you? Have you ever been compared and considered worse than another person? How did you respond? Often, we feel angry and frustrated. We want to defend our good name and find a way to feel powerful, not powerless. When anger overwhelms us, we think we have the capability to correct the situation, but we realize after we calm down that nothing good was accomplished, and most often, the situation worsened.

Those situations are particularly difficult while serving in ministry. Women in our church or women’s group will point out how something should have been done differently. Or they gossip about us. Or maybe worse—or not—they tell us to our face the mistakes they think we made. Feelings of shame may overwhelm us, and we desperately want to reply with defensive words and tone. Our reputation and our image are endangered. Everything within us believes anger will communicate she is wrong, and we are right.

We can learn from Jesus, who suffered similar indiscretions and misunderstandings, how to be powerful yet in a godly way.

Let’s look at Matthew 27:20-23 to assess Jesus’s example.

“Now the chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowd to ask for Barabbas and destroy Jesus. The governor again said to them, ‘Which of the two do you want me to release for you?’ And they said, ‘Barabbas.’ Pilate said to them, ‘Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?’ They all said, ‘Let him be crucified!’ And he said, ‘Why? What evil has he done?’ But they shouted all the more, ‘Let him be crucified!’”

In this passage, Jesus is being compared with a murderer (Mark 15:7), Barabbas, a person who hurts others, who destroys lives. That evil man was chosen over perfect Jesus by an aroused crowd who cared nothing for right thinking. A man is chosen whose murderous ways will be released upon the community, while righteous Jesus goes to the cross an innocent man. Such shameful injustice. Yet even this is God’s gracious plan.

Here’s another aspect of this scene. The chief priests and the elders are mingling amongst the crowd and riling up the bystanders. They “persuaded the crowd.” They are whispering in their ears, agreeing with words supporting their disgusting desires. And if anyone is defending Jesus, the authorities argue with them, most likely throwing their spiritual “weight” around.

Jesus stands powerlessly (it appears) before the group, choosing most of the time to be silent. From our human perspective, our inability to defend ourselves is torturous. Especially for any of us with traumatic childhoods—and who hasn’t suffered from shameful trauma? Any grimaces toward us, looks of disgust, or scowls make us feel like we are on trial and powerless to force anyone to value us.

In our humanity, we may not even want someone to know the truth about us—because unlike Jesus, we are guilty. We deserve mean grimaces, disgust, scowls, and shame. We would rather be hidden than hear the words of our sinful choices.

Yet Jesus in different moments, chooses speaking up or being silent. You and I would feel powerless as things seem to get out of hand. And that can bring a feeling of shame. That shame might come from thinking if we are worthwhile someone would stand up to our defense. If we are valued, we will be listened to. If we are esteemed, someone will come alongside. Yet Jesus has strength to calmly obey his Father, because he trusts God to do the right thing.

Jesus knows it is inevitable he will die an agonizing death. Yet, the Father kindly gives him encouragement as Pilate’s wife has a dream about Jesus and tells her husband, “Have nothing to do with that righteous man” (Matthew 27:19). Someone is speaking up for him.

Jesus doesn’t require that encouragement to trust God’s will but the Father kindly prompts it. Have you seen God’s kindness when he supports you in some way? You might not even think you need it, but another’s words of truth about you still offer you a peek into God’s care for you and ability to follow through with the best ideas. Jesus believes his suffering has a purpose; therefore, he doesn’t need to angrily shout to the crowd about the truth. He has no shame to be shielded from. His Father knows the truth and is in control. That’s enough for Jesus. That truth can be enough for you and me.

That is exactly what you and I can be assured of for ourselves. If God wants to protect us, he can prompt someone to dream about us. If God wants something to happen for or against us, he can powerfully influence the thoughts and actions of others. The only power we really need is to reject the tantalizing suggestion of withdrawing our love, irritation, discontent, grumbling, complaining, or any other form of anger.

Let’s examine our hearts to see if shame surrounds us when we feel powerless. What message does powerlessness seem to say about us? How does feeling powerless seem dangerous to our humanity—physically, emotionally, spiritually, or sexually?

Asking those kinds of questions will help us identify what is really going on in our hearts and minds, and then we’ll be able to surrender our need for power to the only one who has all power.

Kathy Collard Miller is an award-winning, bestselling author of over 60 books including Anger Management—Jesus Style and No More Anger: Hope for an Out-of-Control Mom. She writes Christian Living books, women’s Bible studies, and Bible commentaries. She blogs and writes articles on trusting God more, God’s sovereignty, marriage, parenting, and knowing God in truth.

Along with being interviewed on The 700 Club, Kathy has been featured on hundreds of podcasts, and radio and television programs.

Kathy has spoken in over 30 US states and 9 foreign countries at women’s retreats, writing conferences, MOPS, and marriage seminars. She often writes and speaks with her husband, Larry, who she married in 1970. They have two children and two grandchildren and live in Boise, Idaho.

Kathy is a founding member of AWSA (Advanced Writers and Speakers Association) and is active in various writers’ groups like IdaHope Christian Writers and also Christian women’s ministries like NEWIM (Network of Evangelical Women in Ministry).

Connect with her. She would love to hear from you. She also would love to meet you and help you with your writing and speaking ministry at the NEWIM Writer’s Getaway. Take advantage of her free online e-book about writing at https://www.newim.org/writing-as-a-ministry-for-gods-glory.

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