Overcoming Loneliness

Do you know what it’s like to experience loneliness, even though you’re connected with God and a ministry?
 
I did. And that’s when God led me to the founders and directors of NEWIM who took me under their wing, encouraged me, mentored me, and prayed my first book (Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs), into publication.
 
That was more than 25 years ago. And this week, my eighteenth book with Harvest House Publishers releases—The New Loneliness: Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated. This book again includes a brief story of my desperation for spiritual mentors, and how God placed me in a room full of women who introduced me to the benefits of NEWIM.
 
People have always struggled with loneliness at one time or another. But now it’s far more persistent—due to increased technology, habits we developed from the COVID lockdowns, reliance on AI, and the convenience of looking online for not just essentials, but relationships and social connections too. I call this “the new loneliness” in which we now tend to look at screens more than faces, text more than talk, and conduct our business online rather than in person. The result? Fewer conversations. Even less transparency. Next to zero relationships. Loneliness.
 
Whether your loneliness is caused by your work or living circumstances, a ministry situation, a subconscious preference for internet rather than interpersonal connections, a misunderstanding or falling out with someone–or just feeling inadequate, unprepared, unsupported, or overwhelmed—you and I were never designed to live this way.
 
Jesus came to offer us purpose and life (John 10:10), not pain and loneliness. In close relationship with him, we can experience not only joy and contentment, but more fulfilling relationships with others as well.
 
How can you and I overcome this new type of loneliness? These three steps are a great start:

1. Reconnect with God

People will always let us down. That’s why we’ve got to constantly keep our eyes on Jesus. The more we know of his character the more we can trust him and the more readily we can extend trust toward others. Every day this week, repeat to yourself these three truths about God: “He is with me. He is for me. And he has a reason why I’m here.” Then commit to getting into his Word regularly and discovering more about who he is and what he’s capable of.

When you reconnect—or start to really connect—with God through his Word and a focus on his character, you’ll find your value in him, as well as the priority he set for your life—to love him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). With a better understanding of who you are and why you were created, you will be more equipped to resolve whatever is causing your feelings of loneliness.

2. Re-evaluate your heart and hurts.

Have you surrendered to God your past hurts, insecurities, and feelings of inadequacy—all which can interfere with enjoying healthy relationships? We are all wounded in some way and left with scars of betrayal, abandonment, broken relationships, insecurity, or wondering if we are really loved for who we are. These scars can mask longtime hurts we didn’t know we had, and keep us from developing deeper friendships with others. Sometimes, out of a fear of being hurt, we keep those who extend toward us at a distance, and thus it’s easier to text than talk or communicate via a screen rather than face to face. As you seek to better understand who you are in the light of God’s grace, forgiveness, and transformation, you can more easily trust those whom God brings your way and start developing more meaningful relationships with them. Start by asking God to take inventory of your heart and your hurts, while you remember he is the God who makes all things new—even you! (2 Corinthians 5:17).

3. Reach out to others in the body of Christ.

Who haven’t you connected with in a while because you’ve been so busy? Whose company did you once enjoy but the reconnection process is something you keep putting off? Do you have a trusted Christian friend you can talk with when your loneliness creeps in? When we look to our devices for guidance, distraction, or to fill that niche more than human touch and interaction, it can keep us from experiencing the peace and comfort God provides through our sisters in Christ. How long has it been since you’ve felt connected with a group of believers in a local church or through an organization like NEWIM? As you put yourself in the place, literally, where God can surround you with like-minded believers, you can grow spiritually and emotionally and not feel as lonely.
 
You don’t have to be a part of this culture’s new loneliness statistics. You can push through the hesitation to connect and find yourself equipped by the Lord to be a confident and compassionate follower of Jesus who can encourage, serve, and extend grace toward others in the kind of meaningful community God intended.

Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker, award-winning writer, and author of 18 books with Harvest House Publishers. She was the founding president of the Inland Empire Chapter of NEWIM in the mid-1990s and for the past several years has co-led the NEWIM Writers Getaway with author Kathy Collard Miller, happening April 1-2 in Three Rivers, CA.

To find out more about her books, speaking ministry, or coaching services for writers, see www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

Cindi’s newest book, The New Loneliness, releases this week and will be the topic of NEWIM’s Reading Books with Friends discussion on May 4. Pre-order The New Loneliness with Amazon’s low-price guarantee

Looking for Jesus

The sign held a note of desperation: LOOKING FOR JESUS. PLEASE BRING HIM BACK!
 
Drivers passed by the house in their neighborhood to see the beautiful Nativity displayed at Christmas. They admired the wooden stable and statues of Mary and Joseph gazing at Jesus lying in the manger. Imagine their surprise when they learned the figure representing the Baby was missing, and the owners were looking for Jesus.
 
The thought of looking for Jesus is one that keeps playing over in my mind. Celebrating Advent with my church family, I thought about those who heard the prophecies and anticipated the arrival of the Messiah. They were looking for Jesus to bring hope, peace, love, and joy to a weary world. The gospel writers record the familiar accounts of those who were looking for Jesus at the time of his birth: 

• Mary looked for the Baby, the Son of God, she carried in her womb.

• Joseph looked for Immanuel, God with us.

• Shepherds looked for a Baby lying in a manger in Bethlehem.

• A caravan of Magi looked for the King of the Jews.

This year as I read the story from Luke 2, I continued to the scene when Mary and Joseph brought their firstborn Son to the temple to be circumcised. They were greeted by Simeon, who is described as “righteous and devout …. waiting for the consolation of Israel; and the Holy Spirit was on him” (Luke 2:25). 
 
Simeon is not identified as a priest, Pharisee, or teacher of the law. He is not mentioned anywhere else in Scripture; yet Luke writes, “it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not die before he had seen the Lord’s Messiah” (Luke 2:26). Simeon anticipated the arrival of the one to bring comfort to the nation of Israel. He longed for the fulfillment of God’s promise for his people. Simeon was looking for Jesus.
 
As Simeon took the Child in his arms and blessed Him, another first century saint approached the young family. The widow Anna “never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying” (Luke 2:37). She praised God and spoke about the Baby to those who waited for God’s redemption of Israel. Anna was looking for Jesus.
 
I was impressed by the timing of this scene. At eight days old, Jesus had not taught great lessons or preached powerful sermons. He had not performed miraculous signs and wonders, uttered his first word or taken his first step; yet the Holy Spirit revealed his presence to Simeon and Anna because they were looking for Jesus. They waited in expectation for God to send their Savior, as the prophets foretold. He was finally here!
 
This caused me to wonder…what (or who) am I looking for this Christmas? Is it to find just the right gift for everyone on my list, try a new recipe, see the latest movie, or purchase another ornament?

As I hear the Christmas story read aloud or watch as it is re-enacted in church, as I sing the carols and celebrate Advent, I want to experience in a fresh way the birth of our Savior, when God took on flesh and walked among us. I want to remember he did not stay in the manger but came to be the Savior who stretched out his arms to die on the cross for our sins, reconciling us to our Creator so we can have peace and everlasting life.
 
As Simeon and Anna were watching and waiting for Jesus to come the first time, I pray we also will look for him. I pray we will see him at work in our families, among our neighbors and co-workers, and in our personal relationships with him. I pray we will be watching and waiting, anticipating his Second Coming. I pray this Christmas and throughout the coming year we, too, will be looking for Jesus.

Ginger Niemeyer has been involved in church ministry for more than 30 years. She served on the staff of Peoples Church in Fresno, CA and currently volunteers as a Bible study teacher and in women's and prayer ministries at her church in Sanger, CA. Ginger enjoys writing Bible studies and helping people see how practical Scripture is for everyday life.

Ginger has attended several NEWIM Springs Retreats in Three Rivers, CA where she enjoys interacting with other ministry leaders and spending times of silence and solitude with God. She also finds inspiration by participating in the NEWIM Monthly Writers’ Group. Reach out to her at gingerniemeyer@gmail.com.

A Christmas Miracle

Do you know what it’s like to need a Christmas miracle? 

I do. And to this day that miracle-needing time in our lives became the one Christmas we will never forget. 

Five days before Christmas, my family had no job, no money, and no gifts under our little Christmas tree propped in the corner. Our three children had taken the news “No gifts this year” bravely. They were sad but accepted that this year we would focus on Christ’s humble birth, make little gifts for each other, and bake cookies together. We all agreed that no one would tell anyone outside of our family our plans for a warm, cozy, but bleak holiday. 

Christmas that year was on Saturday. Imagine our surprise when, on the Monday before Christmas, a knock came on our door at dinnertime. Three friends arrived with gifts, which they placed under the small, empty Christmas tree. Back and forth they went, until the floor was piled high with gifts.

“This is going to be the best Christmas ever!” exclaimed our children.

“We have a little something extra,” said one of these friends, handing me an envelope. In it were five movie tickets (we had not been to a movie all year), and a check for $127 dollars. “Just a little extra from your many friends who love you.”

We finished our dinner in wonder, thanking our Savior for a surprise “save!”

Friday morning found us packing the van with clothes, children, a dog and a cat, and three large black garbage bags in which we put our unopened gifts. Up they went with the clothes into the cargo carrier, firmly closed atop the van, and off we went to Southern California to spend Christmas with my parents. 

By 4:00 pm we found ourselves in the carpool lane, stopped due to Friday’s rush hour traffic, horns honking at us. Our annoyed and exhausted response was, “We can’t go any faster than the car in front of us!” At the same moment, the alternator indicator began to fluctuate. We knew that meant trouble, and so my husband made his way across seven lanes of traffic to the right-hand shoulder. 

To our surprise, a woman followed us across and stepped out of her vehicle saying, “You’ve been losing Christmas gifts on the freeway!” Sure enough, the latch on the cargo carrier had broken, and the clothes were there, but not a single gift. We were stunned.

“This is going to be the worst Christmas ever!” moaned our youngest daughter.

We didn’t know what else to do but pray, “Lord, you know what has happened. Please, we need a miracle. Show us what to do.”

Without my husband saying anything, I already knew what he was planning to do. He was going to exit the freeway, cross the bridge and re-enter the freeway to find the gifts. He was then going to put the car in park and grab the gifts… wherever they were. I continued to pray silently and even more desperately, Lord we could spend Christmas in the ER! Please help! We need Your intervention. 

As we were crossing the bridge, the alternator fully died. Losing the steering and braking capacity of the van was frightening. But as God would have it, we coasted safely into a large, empty parking area with a garage and a mechanic at the end of the lot.

My husband propped up the hood of the van and walked, shoulders slumped, to see if the mechanic was still there at 4:30 pm on Friday, December 24. It was unlikely, but there was a chance. Meanwhile the children and I prayed again for help. To our surprise, up pulled a sheriff’s car driven by an officer with the biggest Navy Seal tattoo on his forearm I’d ever seen. “It looks like you’re having trouble. Can I help?”

“We’ve lost all our Christmas presents somewhere on the freeway, and our alternator has gone out,” I responded weakly. Silently I wondered why is it that speaking the trouble seemed to accentuate the problem? It seemed hopeless, made worse by the thought that I would return home to my friends telling them a story of loss upon loss, despite their generosity.

“Well maybe I can help,” the officer replied, at which point my children ran to get my husband, and off they went to try to locate the site of the Christmas gift drop.

The kids and I prayed again, remembering that the meaning of the Hebrew word, Jesus, is “help, deliverance, salvation, and victory.” 

I called my parents, asking them to drive the 45 minutes to pick us up, knowing full well that they too would be stuck in Friday afternoon traffic with thousands of people who just wanted to get home for Christmas. When they arrived, my husband still had not returned. The wait was long, and our tension mounted with the ever-so-slowly passing minutes.

Well after sunset, the men returned, smiles on their faces, and all the Christmas gifts intact. 

“This really is the best Christmas ever!” we exclaimed, all of us laughing with joy and wonder!

The story unfolded. It had taken the two quite a bit of time to locate the site, but when found, the officer refused to get out and pick up the gifts. Instead, he exited the freeway and called in a tag team, which consisted of two other sheriff’s cars. They entered the freeway, lights flashing, zigzagging across seven lanes of traffic bringing it to a full stop. Not surprisingly, the seven lanes of traffic on the other side of the freeway slowed to watch. We believe they were witnessing a miracle.

The officer retrieved all the gifts, which had dropped close to the center divider, unharmed. Now here we were, all rejoicing together. Our relief and gratitude were overflowing, as we thanked the officer, who had rescued not only our gifts, but our hope, our faith, our hearts, and our Christmas! I think he may have left us as happy as we were!

What about the broken-down car? The alternator was replaced a few days later. The cost? $127! 

As we headed for the best Christmas ever, we thanked God for the miracles. I breathed a sigh of relief, Oh Lord, you have done an amazing thing for us. We asked for a miracle, and You gave it to us! You rescued us. Thank you so very much!

God’s response was a whisper in my spirit and was the best gift of all: I knew you wanted to give good gifts to your children. So, I gave them to you, not once, but twice… so that you would know that I am a good and gift-giving God, and that I love you.   

Matthew 7:11 says, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” 

Trust your gift-giving God this Christmas. 

Betsy Stowe has been a pastor’s wife, a worship leader, women’s ministry director, and the happy mom of three grown children and six grandchildren. She spends her time helping women and saa good cup of coffee, a good visit with friends, a brisk walk with her husband and her dog, and a game of tag with her grandchildren. You can reach her with comments about her article at betsystowe@sbcglobal.net.

"This article was first published on November 28, 2018, at Crosswalk.com. Used with permission from the author."