Do you ever struggle to enter into prayer? Although I have had seasons of what felt like rich feasting in prayer, I have also felt at times like I was avoiding God. Can you relate? In recent months, something has been hindering me from wanting to pray. I found myself struggling to even know how to begin my quiet time. I finally decided to acknowledge this feeling to God.
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I experienced dramatic changes in my life because of prayerwalking. Physically, I lost two dress sizes, and I no longer needed the painkillers.
Emotionally, the depression that had clouded most of my adult life vanished. I realized that one morning when my son Josh came into the kitchen, where I was fixing school lunches.
“What are you doing, Mom?” He genuinely looked surprised.
I looked down, then at him. “Making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?”
“No, Mom. You were singing!” He walked away, shaking his head.
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Twenty-eight years ago, I was falling apart physically. I was overweight, out of shape, and reliant on painkillers to silence my screaming hips at night. The worst moment was when I walked out my back door one day and found myself in a crumpled heap because my knee had given way.
I knew I needed to do something about my health, so I decided right then that I would get up a little earlier the next morning and go walking. But I also knew that God had been beckoning me to spend more time with him. So, the next morning I got up fifteen minutes earlier and began praying while I walked.
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I was able to endure the difficulties I faced with perseverance as I trusted in God and his Word.
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Why does God answer some prayers and not others? I honestly don’t know. I’m so thankful that God provided a wonderful husband in Ben. I couldn’t be happier! Ben was married previously for 24 years and his wife, a physician, was tragically murdered in front of her medical clinic. They never had children. To this day, we still both struggle with showing up at church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Unanswered prayer can be deeply painful.
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Three and a half years ago, my husband, John, had a stroke. It left him a little less able to do what he had done before, and year after year we are “outwardly wasting away.” When I look to the future, I don’t know what’s coming. I desire to know the Lord. I tell him about my concerns and circumstances and share my joys with him. As I’ve learned, he desires to share himself with me. He wants to pour out his heart to me in his Word and through his Spirit.
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I couldn’t stop thinking. Just one more thing to do, then I could finally relax. But that moment never came. Life was moving fast as a wife, mom, employee, and pastor’s wife. I was constantly in motion, doing good things, but slowly losing connection with the One I was doing them for. Then came the moment that forced me to stop. In a rush to finish laundry, I slipped on the stairs and fractured my ankle. Suddenly, I was sidelined—physically and spiritually.
In that stillness, God spoke.
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Forgetting is easier now than ever as aging kicks in, and I forget what I did yesterday. However, when I clean out a closet or go through attic boxes or the garage cupboards, I'm sure to find some long-forgotten “treasure” that will swoosh me back to a moment that evokes pleasant (or maybe not so pleasant) memories.
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Have you ever found yourself lacking the motivation to open your Bible apart from just knowing you should? I found myself in a dry spell like that for years. Recently, God has been so kindly and organically developing my love for his word in connection to our relationship. Sadly, somewhere along the way (or maybe from the very beginning) that got disconnected for me.
But, God.
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In August 2024, I felt God was letting me know that I needed “to be ready to turn on a dime,” or as my friend Cindy would say: pivot. Mind you, I had no idea what God was going to be doing in my life, but he was preparing me.
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