Unanswered Prayer

I’ve been encouraged by persevering in prayer in my life. At the same time, I’ve been frustrated by persevering in prayer over time.

In my early 20’s, I knew I wanted to be married and have a family. Time went by. A decade. Another decade and then some. And finally at the age of 52, God provided a husband for me. At the same time, I was frustrated because as the years ticked by, the chances of having children grew less.

Why does God answer some prayers and not others? I honestly don’t know. I’m so thankful that God provided a wonderful husband in Ben. I couldn’t be happier! Ben was married previously for 24 years and his wife, a physician, was tragically murdered in front of her medical clinic. They never had children. To this day, we still both struggle with showing up at church on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.  Unanswered prayer can be deeply painful.

Since I was a women’s minister in various churches during my single years, there were so many people from my church that truly prayed for me during those years. I was grateful for these prayers! People still celebrate God’s answered prayer when they see a picture of Ben and me on social media. Answered prayer encourages us personally but also encourages so many others! It strengthens our faith and others as well.

But, what about unanswered prayer? What about me praying for thirty years for children and getting a “no” from God? What about the pain of seeing constant family pictures, stories, and fun escapades with kids and grandkids on social media? Has anyone else ever whispered to God in prayer “What about me?”  I certainly have.

Some years ago, God made it clear in my spirit that he wanted me to be a mom to mothers. He gave me many opportunities to serve moms by listening, really listening to them. He helped me see that my purpose in life was to be a lifegiving encourager. He reminded me that when women get together, they talk about their kids, and the focus is their kids. He wanted me to listen, to encourage, to pray, and support those that are moms and grandmoms. When I complain and grumble about what I don’t have, I miss God’s obvious calling in my life!

I recently retired and one of my new roles is serving with the Pregnancy Care Center. I get to pray for those moms that come in and question whether to keep their baby. To think I get to storm the gates of heaven to help bring a child into the world! It’s truly amazing. Soon, we will start a Bible study for post-abortive moms to help them enjoy forgiveness and freedom. God continues to answer my prayer of being a mom. It’s just different.

Prayer is everything to me. Being single for so many years, I learned that Jesus really was my husband and I HAD to talk to Him about everything. I have a quiet time in the morning and spend significant time praying for others, my husband, ministry, etc.  However, I also pray throughout the day. In Luke 18:1, Jesus told his disciples a parable of a persistent widow. He starts by saying “that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.”  I learned through years of praying not to lose heart.

Life is not easy. Jesus knew we would struggle. Being persistent in prayer is important. We face health issues, opposition, discouragement, and the constant temptation to sin. If we are honest, we need Jesus more than ever! Perhaps, a blessing of getting older is that I really understand that now.

I’m constantly talking to the Lord about everything. I pray for a safe horse ride on the way to the barn. I pray for the Lord to help me be more sensitive to my sin. I pray for healing of some health issues. I pray for more of Jesus’ character to bloom in my life. I pray daily for a breakthrough in some painful relationships. And then, of course, I’m listening as well. I don’t want to miss anything God wants to say to me.

Be persistent in your prayers. God hears us. He heard me…and answered my prayers. Not always the way I wanted, but he answered them the way he wanted. God is good. He has our best interests in mind. Don’t give up praying.

What I've Learned About Prayer

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who talked non-stop about themselves? When the conversation was over, you knew everything about them, but realized they weren’t interested in knowing anything about you. If we aren’t careful in prayer, we can become someone who tells the Lord everything about ourselves and what we want and never stop to wonder what he would like to tell us about who he is in all his glory. I learned early on that prayer is a two-way conversation.

Three and a half years ago, my husband, John, had a stroke. It left him a little less able to do what he had done before, and year after year we are “outwardly wasting away.” When I look to the future, I don’t know what’s coming. I desire to know the Lord. I tell him about my concerns and circumstances and share my joys with him. As I’ve learned, he desires to share himself with me. He wants to pour out his heart to me in his Word and through his Spirit. 

Beginning prayer by simply opening his Word and asking him to share his thoughts is wonderful and ensures that I won’t be tempted to do all the talking! Writing down what he reveals to me and what I want to say to him is also a good way to keep my mind focused in prayer. 

He loves to hear our requests and loves it even more when we wait on him for answers rather than waiting for him to give us what we ask for. Waiting for him to answer simply means we want him to do what we ask. Waiting on him means we want his will no matter what the cost. (Psalm 27:11) I’ve learned I need to be willing to pray for the Lord’s will regarding John’s ability to function physically. It would be my desire, of course, that he remain strong and cognitively sound, but I must trust the Lord for his will.

For me, the most amazing thing about the Lord is how he responds when I am deep in sorrow. He doesn’t just listen to me and sympathize, but he enters my sorrow and receives me into his loving arms. He allows me the grace to weep and grieve the losses in my life as long as it takes to bring healing. (Psalm 27:10)

Finally, I’ve learned we are called to develop a spirit of expectation as we pray.  As the psalmist states so hopefully at the end of Psalm 27, I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Take time to listen to the Lord—get to know him. Wait on him and his will. Let the Lord enter into my sorrows and grieve with me. And let him develop within my heart a confident expectation as I look to the future. These are the things I’ve learned about prayer.

Jackie Rettberg was NEWIM’s Executive Director 2009-2016. She led NEWIM's Oasis one-day retreat ministry, leading retreats in 75 churches before creating a DVD with all the resources for the retreat (5,000 were sold).

She is a well-known Bible teacher who served as a Teaching Leader for Bible Study Fellowship for nineteen years. She has been an insightful mentor and much-loved speaker at numerous retreats and conferences during her ministry years.

She currently serves on the NEWIM Pastors’ Wives Retreat team and co-writes material for guided silent retreats at her church.

Jackie and John live in southern California.

Changing Chapters

As I put away the last of the Christmas trimmings, I find myself reflective about what happened this year and curious about what lies ahead. I feel like a chapter is closing as the Lord is inviting me into the new year.

Unfortunately, some seasons in life do not close so easily. Unforgiven offenses, unhealed pain, and unprocessed grief have a way of following us into our present, hindering us from stepping forward. We can grow so accustomed to the companionship of hurt that we can’t imagine life without it, and it becomes the basis of our life story. At least that was the case for me.

As I read the Bible, certain stories caused me to pause. Stories of God’s goodness, his promises to hear my cries, and his assurance to give me the desires of my heart triggered questions about these truths in light of my circumstances and my past. For the longest time, I was puzzled by Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” 

How could the difficulties I faced truly be God’s will?

I wasn’t sure.

In my quiet time, thinking about what I read in the Bible and praying through it, something started to shift. This practice of silence and solitude helped me understand that God has a different perspective on my life narrative. He knows the beginning and the ending, how one door closing is another door opening. He knows my mountaintop experiences and valley crawls are temporary yet essential elements in my story.

What I began to recognize was that as I kept reading my Bible and seeking answers, I started experiencing more of God’s profound love for me. It changed me. It was a turning point in my relationship with him. The “whys” of yesterday didn’t matter as much anymore because a future filled with hope held greater appeal. Little by little, my love for God grew deeply. He enabled me to reflect on my past and ask him where he was in those difficult moments. Through prayer, the Holy Spirit gave me a sense of God’s presence throughout my life, even before I knew him (Psalm 139). He guided my steps and celebrated my wins. He also wept when I wept. The Author of my life cried with me, whispering into my spirit that he was with me, telling me to be strong and courageous (Joshua 1:9). Life wouldn’t always be this way.

One day, God will wipe away every tear (Revelation 21:4), and by following his leading, we find our way through hope. When we look at our circumstances through the Spirit, not our flesh, we can see glimmers of his greater purpose. And we can know that he has always been with us, then and now, and will continue to be with us tomorrow.

It is deeply healing to know that the circumstances that threatened to distort our stories are the very places where God’s glory was planted within us. His presence closes our wounds, gives us the ability to forgive, and allows us to fully grieve losses. These things remain part of our story, but how we tell it is reframed to reflect the goodness that God brings through each chapter.

As we turn the page into this new year, may we embrace the truth that every chapter, both the joyful and the painful, has purpose in God’s story for our lives. The seasons that once felt heavy can become testimonies of his faithfulness when viewed through his lens of hope. We can step forward with courage, trusting the Author who writes with love and redemption, knowing that the best chapters are still ahead.

Traci Martin and her husband Bil reside in Georgia, have two married daughters and two granddaughters. Traci loves EVERYTHING tea, traveling, hiking, biking, spa days, and spending time with family and good friends.

She is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary with a Masters in Christian Leadership.

Following a decade in corporate America and 25 years as a business owner, she followed God’s calling into full-time ministry. From 2012-2021, Traci went from working part time for a Bible study ministry to being the president. Through all of her experiences, she saw the need of support for Christian women, especially those who serve God. Having a desire to help address this need led to her involvement with NEWIM.

Reach out and say hello to Traci traci@teachingsbytraci.com. 

My Story of the Wilderness

It all started on a Thursday in August. I woke up during the night in severe pain. Even the smallest movement caused shooting pain through my core. The pain was so bad I almost cried.

For almost three weeks, I struggled to feel better, wondering if pruning trees for a few hours had caused such a problem. I sat most of the time because I experienced excruciating pain in my ribs when I moved. To exacerbate my misery, I caught a bug that added chills, fever, and nausea to the mix. I kept hoping I could kick whatever caused my symptoms. 

When my breathing became labored, my husband urged me to go to the ER. Tests revealed fluid in my lungs and shadows of fluid in my heart.  I’ve had pneumonia before, but not with such deep pain that rippled through my entire body every time I moved. I felt weak and disoriented.

The medical staff started IV medication which brought up fears within me because many nurses have had trouble inserting IV’s into my veins. I also had a couple of A-fib incidents—I’ve never had heart issues in my life, and this of course caused more fear as a cardiologist joined my medical team.  
In the whirlwind of circumstances, I felt like my body was out of control. I was scared.

But do you want to know the hardest part? Waking in the night, hearing machines pumping medication into my body, feeling very alone in the dark, and wondering, “Where is God?”

I started to cry and then just sobbed.

As my sobbing subsided and I lay alone in the little room, I felt depleted and empty. Then a phrase from Psalm 139 entered my mind like a clock ticking with familiar chimes: “Where can I go from your Spirit?”

My heart quieted.

I felt the presence of God begin to seep into my soul. Feeling unable to do anything, no journaling, no planning, no writing notes or working, no reading, no specific praying—I just sat in the presence of God and felt his love envelop me.  

When I was feeling better a few weeks later, I had time to ponder what happened and wrote in my journal:

“Lord, my plans sure went awry! I had very different plans for the end of summertime. I was surprised—you weren’t! I feel like you looked ahead and cried—knowing I was moving into a time of great pain, confusion, and fear. But also inviting me to experience more deeply your presence and love.”

Through this experience, I know deep within my soul that God doesn’t abandon me when I’m distracted, overwhelmed by feelings, unable to think clearly, or even reach out to him. The Lord showed me that even when I can’t call out to him, he is there.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you (Psalm 139-7:12).

God used Scripture hidden in my heart to remind me of the truth and release me from fear: God has me. God helps me. God loves me. It’s all about grace.

Julie is the Executive Director of The Unfolding Soul; a ministry serving those who yearn for a more life-giving connection with God. TUS offers spiritual direction, leadership coaching, speaking, and an eLetter that helps people discover God’s treasure in all aspects of daily life. 

Julie is an ordained minister, with an M.A. in Ministry & Leadership and a Spiritual Direction & Formation certificate. She enjoys time with family, reading, outdoor activity…and a good cup of tea. 

Early on in ministry she connected with NEWIM, which exposed her to deeper understanding of walking with Jesus and leadership skills, which continue to influence her life and ministry today.

website - www.theunfoldingsoul.org

my ministry email: julie@theunfoldingsoul.org