Overcoming Loneliness
Cindi McMenamin
Do you know what it’s like to experience loneliness, even though you’re connected with God and a ministry?
I did. And that’s when God led me to the founders and directors of NEWIM who took me under their wing, encouraged me, mentored me, and prayed my first book (Letting God Meet Your Emotional Needs), into publication.
That was more than 25 years ago. And this week, my eighteenth book with Harvest House Publishers releases—The New Loneliness: Nurturing Meaningful Connections When You Feel Isolated. This book again includes a brief story of my desperation for spiritual mentors, and how God placed me in a room full of women who introduced me to the benefits of NEWIM.
People have always struggled with loneliness at one time or another. But now it’s far more persistent—due to increased technology, habits we developed from the COVID lockdowns, reliance on AI, and the convenience of looking online for not just essentials, but relationships and social connections too. I call this “the new loneliness” in which we now tend to look at screens more than faces, text more than talk, and conduct our business online rather than in person. The result? Fewer conversations. Even less transparency. Next to zero relationships. Loneliness.
Whether your loneliness is caused by your work or living circumstances, a ministry situation, a subconscious preference for internet rather than interpersonal connections, a misunderstanding or falling out with someone–or just feeling inadequate, unprepared, unsupported, or overwhelmed—you and I were never designed to live this way.
Jesus came to offer us purpose and life (John 10:10), not pain and loneliness. In close relationship with him, we can experience not only joy and contentment, but more fulfilling relationships with others as well.
How can you and I overcome this new type of loneliness? These three steps are a great start:
1. Reconnect with God
People will always let us down. That’s why we’ve got to constantly keep our eyes on Jesus. The more we know of his character the more we can trust him and the more readily we can extend trust toward others. Every day this week, repeat to yourself these three truths about God: “He is with me. He is for me. And he has a reason why I’m here.” Then commit to getting into his Word regularly and discovering more about who he is and what he’s capable of.
When you reconnect—or start to really connect—with God through his Word and a focus on his character, you’ll find your value in him, as well as the priority he set for your life—to love him with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and to love others as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39). With a better understanding of who you are and why you were created, you will be more equipped to resolve whatever is causing your feelings of loneliness.
2. Re-evaluate your heart and hurts.
Have you surrendered to God your past hurts, insecurities, and feelings of inadequacy—all which can interfere with enjoying healthy relationships? We are all wounded in some way and left with scars of betrayal, abandonment, broken relationships, insecurity, or wondering if we are really loved for who we are. These scars can mask longtime hurts we didn’t know we had, and keep us from developing deeper friendships with others. Sometimes, out of a fear of being hurt, we keep those who extend toward us at a distance, and thus it’s easier to text than talk or communicate via a screen rather than face to face. As you seek to better understand who you are in the light of God’s grace, forgiveness, and transformation, you can more easily trust those whom God brings your way and start developing more meaningful relationships with them. Start by asking God to take inventory of your heart and your hurts, while you remember he is the God who makes all things new—even you! (2 Corinthians 5:17).
3. Reach out to others in the body of Christ.
Who haven’t you connected with in a while because you’ve been so busy? Whose company did you once enjoy but the reconnection process is something you keep putting off? Do you have a trusted Christian friend you can talk with when your loneliness creeps in? When we look to our devices for guidance, distraction, or to fill that niche more than human touch and interaction, it can keep us from experiencing the peace and comfort God provides through our sisters in Christ. How long has it been since you’ve felt connected with a group of believers in a local church or through an organization like NEWIM? As you put yourself in the place, literally, where God can surround you with like-minded believers, you can grow spiritually and emotionally and not feel as lonely.
You don’t have to be a part of this culture’s new loneliness statistics. You can push through the hesitation to connect and find yourself equipped by the Lord to be a confident and compassionate follower of Jesus who can encourage, serve, and extend grace toward others in the kind of meaningful community God intended.
Cindi McMenamin is a national speaker, award-winning writer, and author of 18 books with Harvest House Publishers. She was the founding president of the Inland Empire Chapter of NEWIM in the mid-1990s and for the past several years has co-led the NEWIM Writers Getaway with author Kathy Collard Miller, happening April 1-2 in Three Rivers, CA.
To find out more about her books, speaking ministry, or coaching services for writers, see www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.
Cindi’s newest book, The New Loneliness, releases this week and will be the topic of NEWIM’s Reading Books with Friends discussion on May 4. Pre-order The New Loneliness with Amazon’s low-price guarantee