Do you have a “Jesus’ spot”? A special chair or corner that you have designated for your quiet time, prayer, and Bible study? I do. I have a chair in my room with a small book shelf next to it. I have cups of pens and highlighters, several journals (each with their own purpose), my current Christian read (“The Signature of Jesus” for the 4th time,) and of course my Bible. It’s all very orderly. Maybe a better word is composed. 

I think I have the same system in my spirit. There is a composed version of myself I present to God. I make sure to start my dialogue with thanksgiving, as I would never want to seem ungrateful. Next, I acknowledge his goodness, worthiness, and holiness. I might intercede for those around me. I certainly will ask to be made more like Jesus, to shed as much of myself as possible. All of this, the chair and the journals, the thanksgiving and the intercession, all of it is well and good. None of it is the truth hidden in my heart. 

Hebrews 4:13 - “And there is no creature hidden from his sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of him to whom we must answer.” 

Here it is, the truth I am trying to avoid. God will sniff out my duplicity. I mean, I have DONE all these things to make myself acceptable. If he really saw my heart, he would be so disappointed.  

But wait...what if this verse is actually an assurance. A promise.  

He knows. Every heart’s cry. 

Psalm 44:21 - “Would God not find this out? 
For he knows the secrets of the heart.” 

He knows. Every step forward I have taken.   

Job 34:21 - “For his eyes are upon the ways of a man, And He sees all his steps.”  

He knows. Every deep breath used in moments of temptation. 

Psalm 139:2-3 - “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; 
You understand my thought from afar. 
You scrutinize my path and my lying down, 
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.” 

You also have a network of safe sisters through NEWIM who know what loneliness in ministry feels like and will uphold you in prayer when you cry out for help.  

He has ALWAYS known! Every thought taken captive. 

Psalm 139:4  -“Even before there is a word on my tongue, 
Behold, O Lord, you know it all.” 

So instead of a threat, a relief! My performance has not masked my humanity. God instead has seen it ALL. The true me. The most vulnerable, tender self. My darkness too is not truly hidden. His sight penetrates my strongholds. He has a plan for it. Discipline at the right time to break through what I think is indestructible. None of it is hidden from his magnanimous love. So then, let me rest in his omniscience.

Always seen, perfectly known. 

Rachel is passionate about using worship music to break down the barriers we put up between us and God. She helped lead worship in a home church for two years. Because of her love of worship music, she pursued a mentoring relationship with Betsy Stowe (worship leader of the Three Rivers Springs), and now she is excited to be the Worship Leader for the Northern California Springs.

Rachel is participating in NEWIM’s first cohort with the Fuller Spiritual Formation program. She has been attending the Springs since 2013. The Springs has been "the place where I can actually set aside the burdens of the everyday. There, I am able to turn my face to God and feel His delight pour out.  I now eagerly anticipate and expect this time with Him. I can’t thank NEWIM enough for hosting this retreat."

She is a wife and mother of two beautiful boys, and attends Valley Community Church in Pleasanton, CA.