During my first trip to Israel in 2004, I had a revelation of what God did on my behalf when he hung on the cross and just how much God loved me. As I strolled through the Garden of Gethsemane I wondered if he saw my face before I was born. I walked over to the nearby Church of All Nations that was built over the rock slab on which Jesus prayed before his betrayal by Judas in the Garden. I knelt by the rock and reflected on the night before his crucifixion. As I reached out and laid my hand on the rock, I began to sob, racking sobs. In that moment I realized just what he had done for me. It became real to me. When I think back on that experience, I realize just how powerful God is and how that increased my confidence in who he is, who I am, and my security in him.
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Have you ever felt jealous of God’s choice of someone to fill a position you wanted? I have.
Have you ever felt disappointed because God chose a different path for you than you wanted? I have.
Have you ever felt angry because God allowed someone inferior to you to become your boss? I have.
I think everyone has felt jealous, disappointed, or angry at some time or another and yet I doubt any of us would have concluded we were calling God not very smart. Well, maybe I must confess I did realize it at the time—now that I think about it.
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Do you have a “Jesus’ spot”? A special chair or corner that you have designated for your quiet time, prayer, and Bible study? I do. I have a chair in my room with a small book shelf next to it. I have cups of pens and highlighters, several journals (each with their own purpose), my current Christian read (“The Signature of Jesus” for the 4th time,) and of course my Bible. It’s all very orderly. Maybe a better word is composed.
I think I have the same system in my spirit. There is a composed version of myself I present to God.
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I leaned my head against the window as the plane began to ascend.
How long will I have to fly alone? I thought to myself, as I pushed my head harder against the window and felt that familiar tinge of loneliness. Another long flight by myself. Another lonely night in a hotel room. Another weekend of ministering to women, yet still feeling the burden of doing it alone.
Even when you’re ministering to a room full of women, it can still feel lonely, and even overwhelming.
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Glorious sunlight rose over the mountains, illuminating thunderous waterfalls lining Yosemite Valley. Early in the morning, before the crowds arrived, I sat in the meadow. My ears soaked in the sounds of birdsong. My eyes witnessed gravity pulling water down granite walls. My awe-struck soul marveled at God’s creativity and sustaining power.
It had been a week. My dad passed away and four days later my dear friend, Jan, also passed. Grief paralyzed me. I needed to get out. I mean, I needed to get outside. Hence, the trip to Yosemite.
As God sustains the mighty waterflow, he is sustaining us, even when we feel crushed under the weight of schedules, responsibilities, and grief. Life feels foggy sometimes. We feel overwhelmed and under-qualified to lead lives worth of the call of Christ. During those days, where do we turn? Where does our help come from? Who can we trust?
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