"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity" (Colossians 3:12-14, NIV).
 
Forgiving someone who asks for our forgiveness is one thing. Forgiving someone who doesn’t is quite another. Nevertheless, because we have been forgiven, we are call by God to extend mercy, offer forgiveness, even to our enemies (Matthew 18). Here’s what I’ve learned about godly forgiveness:
 
1.  Identify how you have been wronged. Before you forgive you must accuse, at least internally. The other person is responsible for their actions. Don’t make excuses for them. Wrong forgiven is still wrong done. The Holy Spirit points out sin to the world (John 16:8-11) and to the believer (1 John 1:5-10).
 
2.  Feel the anger! The Lord feels anger at sin (Psalm 95:10)!
 
3.  Realize that neither justice nor revenge or anything else can reverse the wrong done. You have no power to change the past and the person may not ever say they are sorry. There are consequences but there is grace (Acts 22:1-21).
 
4.  Give up the right to get even or to punish (Philippians 4:2).
 
5.  Don’t worry about forgetting. Forgetting may take some time.
 
6.  Recognize if you have become negative about the other person. Just because they have done harm, doesn’t mean we have been given permission to be unkind or slander them.
 
7.  Choose to pray for the person and as the Lord enables you, choose to pray for the Lord to bless them..
 
8.  Forgiveness does not require that the relationship is restored. “In so far as it depends on you, leave at peace with all people.”
 
9.  Believe God is just and merciful (because He is). God is able to punish people without destroying them and able to forgive without indulging them (11 Samuel 12, John 21:15-23).
 
10.  Realize the world is not always fair, life isn’t perfect, all people are sinners and you are saved by grace (1 Peter 1:13-21).
 
“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them together in perfect unity.”